There are two parenting jobs that I would outsource if I
could:
1.
Potty Training
2.
Teaching a kid to ice skate
Potty Training- To you lucky folks who send your kids to daycare
in diapers and they come home potty trained- I hate you.… to you moms who are
forced to turn your beautiful home into a living toilet getting them trained- I
feel your pain! Earlier today, my 4 year old and 2 year old were arguing over who’s
the “better pooper”. If you’d like me to weigh in, they are both terrible! I
have had to clean up more poop than I could have ever imagined!
Ice Skating- sure you can sign up for lessons. After all,
that’s what we did. But you know what happens at lessons? The skate
instructor tells you to stand in front of your kid and hold their hands (this
apparently teaches them the proper balance or something- I couldn’t hear the explanation
over the sounds of my child screaming bloody murder about hating his skates).
After they refuse to stand for the first ten minutes of class, you end up
holding them under their armpits. I have short children, but honestly, this
does not matter. ALL kids are way too short to be holding up on ice skates for
30 minutes. When the class is over, you are permanently bent in the shape an
upside down U, and by the time the kinks in your back straighten out- it’s been
a full week, and your back to skating class. However, there is a
light at the end of the tunnel. Like potty training you press on and voilà
after ten of the longest weeks of your life your kid can skate in underwear- no
accidents!
Week 2/10- crossing my fingers that Cohen catches on to both quicker than Jake!
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