Saturday, December 6, 2014

My SUV mind as well be a mini van

The other day, while driving my three little adorable monsters to the gym, Jake pipe’s up from the back seat.
“Mom, I wiped my boogers on your window again”
Again?!?!?! Implying I have been inadvertently exposing the back of my shoulders to all sorts of nastiness every time I get the kids in and out of their car seats ?!?!?!?! GROSS, I vomit a little in my mouth realizing I will have to clean this up. Five minutes later Jake also informs me
“I am done my snack”
I had given him a nutragrain bar (yes, mom of the year) which I know has a wrapper, and it’s probably covered in crumbs and gooey filling.
“Jake, where’d you put the wrapper?”
“In the garbage” he happily replies.
Two things are wrong with this; one, he’s strapped into his car seat and his arms have about a one foot radial reach. Two, there is absolutely no garbage can, container, bin or bag of any sorts in my car. Yep, he threw it straight on the floor.
Mental note, Appendix: Pay Backs a B*tch- When Jake is driving me to doctors’ appointments in my senile years- I am totally picking my nose and wiping it on the dashboard.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Parent Teacher Interviews aka "my kid does what?!?!"

Jake's parent teacher interviews were last week. I was naive enough to think “my child is perfect, what could they say?” WELL, let me tell you, apparently my child doesn’t know how to jump. He also appears so tiered he sometimes lays down on the floor because “it looks like he physically does not have the strength to sit up”. He has no idea what his colors are or what “craft time” means. He can’t put his own shoes or jacket on, and seldom remembers his school bag... it goes on like this. Of course they do mention he’s a very sweet boy- apparently he’s not swearing at school so I’ll mark that one down as a win.

My mind is totally blown. Are you sure you are talking about my kid? Yes, yes they are.

So here is a video I randomly took- it blew their minds.
Kids do the strangest things, you just never know what they are up to!