There are things I will always remember about my boys lives. Like Jake learning to crawl Christmas Day, or the way Asher always grabs at my heart necklace anytime he can reach it. Then there are the things I totally forget about. Lost in my mind until something triggers them. Today, was tough for me, we were at the public health office for routine vaccinations, and I used the anti-bacterial hand gel. Instantly I was flashed back to Cohen in the NICU. I can't speak for anyone else but I HATED having a preemie in the NICU. I hated everything about it. The constent hand washing, disinfecting, signing in, signing out, filling out log after log of multiple things that no matter what, never seemed to be good enough, because your baby was still trapped in this little plastic incubator- not coming home with you. That smell of anti-bacterial gel is in fact my memory of hell. However, as I stood there stunned I watched my perfect little two year old push his brother off a chair while yelling incoherently. Yep, there's nothing preemie about my fighter now, and I feel nothing but instant relief. I make a note-to-self; never use that hand sanitizer again, and remind myself that I have three perfectly healthy, happy children and I couldn't ask for more! Sometimes graditude, which should be the simplest, is in fact the hardest memory of all.